It has been a while since I have blogged. I was looking at my last post of Christmas and the gift of time. It is a bittersweet read for me now, for what I wouldn't give for a little more time with loved ones!
When Craig and I embarked upon this journey, one of the many discussions we had was the difficulty of leaving family and friends for such an extended time. We knew that inevitably there would be "goodbyes" that would be permanent; that there perhaps would be people that we would never get to see again. I thought that I had prepared myself for that. I had run through a number of scenarios in my head to feebly try and prep myself for those possibilities.
We made it through the holidays and were looking forward to hosting friends and family in the coming months. I had my calendar all prepared and was ready to play hostess to friends in March, Craig's parents in April and my parents in May. Excited, doesn't even begin to describe how I felt.
Unfortunately, I got the midnight message that no one wants. My step-father, Dave had a stroke and was in the hospital. I prayed for good news....and then the phone call came...."I've got bad news". My heart broke. There is no amount of planning or prep, long or short that eases the shock and pain of the death of your loved one. This wasn't supposed to happen to a young healthy man!
My sisters and I got lucky. After my father passed away in 1976, my mother brought a wonderful man into our lives. He came in wearing braces and driving an old VW bug.....and he was young! Ten years younger than my mom....she was an early cougar! I never quite understood what he was thinking (maybe he wasn't) getting involved with a woman with 3 teenage daughters. It was not a role for the faint hearted, but he stepped up to the role.
I have never been a fan of the "step" parent moniker. It seems to diminish the role. I will say, that Dave "stepped" in, the best way possible. He expanded our family and brought 2 adorable boys to our household of girls. He was the best combination of adviser, friend, parent and role model! He fathered me and my sisters for over 35 years and did an amazing job. He was never obtrusive, but had the innate ability to come forward when needed and was always steady and strong in the background.He taught me to drive a stick shift, something I never truly appreciated until I tried to teach it. I called him after that to let him know that I never quite thanked him enough for the whiplash he must have suffered from so many of my stall outs. He cheered me on at graduations and I'm sure took pride in my A's in economics. No one could teach "diminishing marginal return" like he could. He walked me down the aisle....on more than one occasion! And he let me cry on his shoulder after my husband died.
He wasn't one to show too many emotions, wasn't comfortable in crowds, but I knew that I could give him a look and a wink and nothing needed to be said. His laughter could fill up a room and although he was never one to look for the spotlight, he always had a good story. He was a rock....steady and reliable. I knew that he was always there, whether I had boyfriend troubles, needed a ride or need help getting rid of a tree...Dave was there. Men would come and go from my life, but Dave was always there....I never imagined that he wouldn't always be there!
It has been a little over a month since that phone call. The stages of grief are a rocky road. Anger is a big one - why us? Hasn't this family had enough deaths? Weren't we due a break? Couldn't we have a bye this round? I am trying to work my way through to Acceptance, but it is a difficult road. I loved the man that fathered me, even when he wasn't required to. I am grateful to have had such a wonderful example of how to be the best "step" parent. My heart aches for the loss that I feel, but I am trying to focus on the "silver lining"...I had a wonderful father for my first 12 years and a wonderful man who "stepped up" to be my father for the last 35. Not many girls get 2 great dads!
My apologies for the sadness of this post; I just needed to do it. I hope you, too, will see the silver linings in things, even when it is difficult. Father's Day is approaching, give the gift of time....it is the greatest gift you can give!
Ciao for now!
